With learnings, silver linings and some fun

In October 2021 I was diagnosed with a sizeable brain tumor that swelled to affect a third of my brain. See The (good) story of a tumor for the details. Now that I’m through the worst of my it, people often ask me what it was like. Well, it was a long road to the point the tumor was swelling over ⅓ of my brain, so for the sake of brevity, let me start at the end. It was a gift. It was like everyone showed up for my funeral except me, and I got the surprise of seeing how many people really cared. It was a shock to witness the outpouring and the thanks. I actually felt guilty that I came through it, found out it was benign and had put everyone through the experience of watching and waiting for all the days, weeks and now months between the diagnosis and the stages of my recovery. And there are many many silver linings learnings and even some fun that came from it. More of that later. 

But first let me say thank you. It was thanks to my wife’s valiant leadership, my family’s support, my friends, and neighbors faith and the incredible medical team that I have healed and am recovering my life so fast. That team was led by two amazing brain surgeons that removed ALL of my tumor without scarring my brain. This was something they had been at pains to point out was important given the tumor was lodged right next to the “Executive” area – the region that covers all the key functions such as speech and mobility. It is miraculous to me what they did. It was followed by dozens of nurses and other doctors in pneuro, psychiatry and more who proved to me once more that it’s never one person, it takes a community. I’m eternally grateful to you all. I feel overjoyed to be alive and celebrate every minute of every day with renewed appreciation of the possibilities ahead. Thank you all from the heart of my brain.

So what are the silver linings. There are so many that I literally need to list them. Here are just a very few of the pages I have written:

• My family came together like good friends
• I got to spend time with each of them in a way that was magical, and in some cases after geography and years apart.
• Good friends showed up like family and made me laugh at life once more – and humor is SO important
• My brain woke up unburdened by the tumor and immediately relieved and ready to take up the opportunity to fill the void left behind with renewed learning and possibility to make a difference
• All my interest in my life, my work, my enthusiasm for innovation, entrepreneurship to change the world for good came back like a rush of blood to the head – literally. And even my hobbies like photography and writing returned after years of languishing. It’s an amazing feeling.

But what has fundamentally changed in me? Well I’ve always said first and foremost I would never take my health for granted and kept fit, so that isn’t actually new. Yet I never felt fear. I believe in a positive attitude and mind over matter. As I learned my diagnosis I was convinced I’d survive it and determined not to let anyone down or anything stop me coming through this. Tumor be damned! But sometimes you have to face reality. As I experienced even the possibility of death, I called my immediate family and finalized my will before preparing to go into surgery.

So what did I learn? There still really is only one thing that matters. It’s the people you connect with in life. I’ve always put people first, but you can’t connect with everyone meaningfully. I had to reduce my circle of connections to just my immediate family and build back from there one by one because I was overwhelmed by what I was going through and could only handle a very very few people to connect with around it. But that taught me something else so obvious. Even if you want to change the world, you need to start with yourself. 

It sounds incredibly selfish and I can’t bear to even leave this with that conclusion, but there’s a reason people say you can’t help others unless you put your own oxygen mask on. 

I also hesitate to try to offer any other suggestions so don’t read any further if you care to just consider for yourself. For those that want to hear more of what I’ve thought during my healing

• Understand what you can and can’t do and connect with others that genuinely care to fit and be with you
• Let each person you connect with be a real and authentic connection. 
• Consider only expanding your circle beyond your family with care to know where you can have authentic connections that bring mutual warmth, growth, joy and laughter as your measures. 
• In my experience, laughter fuels the soul and powers the body to pursue the journey, so have or find fun along the way (Huge thanks to my wife, my sister and brother for reminding me of this in some tougher moments)
• Enjoy your family first and foremost, then your friends. The saying treat your family like friends and your friends like family is so true.
• As you expand your circle, remember your neighbors and work colleagues and those that you impact, whether intentionally or not, and find a way to make those engagements positive or again choose to make them mutually rewarding.
  
  Everyone has a place in life, find yours first and then remember everyone around you as far as you can. But be realistic, it still starts and ends with you being able to survive first before you thrive with others.
  
  

To end on a fun note, while my situation severely limited me to do anything I found I could still go toward positive experiences, such as music which always energizes me. Accordingly I’ll occasionally read Rolling Stone to discover new artists.

That’s where I discovered Dua Lipa. Reading her interview I was inspired by her great work ethic. It led her to eschew the notion she couldn’t make us dance during Covid, and without being able to tour, put up outstanding online live videos and concerts. Dua also speaks of female empowerment in a refreshing way and I encourage you to read the full article Dancing in the Dark. When I couldn’t sleep I certainly learned to dance in the dark, but in my head!

I was also very keen to learn more about the brain to understand how I could facilitate and even hack my recovery or improve my brain with the opportunity for it to expand back better. After watching various programs about it, it’s clear music is great food for the brain, as it proved for me.

It was a joy to share things like this with the people I really cared about (Thanks to my daughter for the new music and fun she shared on text even when we couldn’t talk.)  So as I hear others frustrated by Covid restricting us, let’s remember we don’t need an exotic vacation to find joy.  Just go toward experiences you can really enjoy and share them with those you really care for and see where they take you together. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised. 

Envision good things and they will come.
Embody them and others can enjoy them.
Live them and you can become them.
Only you own it.

So for those of you who read this post that I don’t know, please don’t feel the need to comment or share or anything else. Social media is simply a tool (and a dangerous one at that). I’m only putting this out there as I still like to share in the hope to inspire others that I can’t personally touch or reach. But have your own feelings, find your own inspiration, enjoy your own hopes and dreams. Here’s to you and your life ahead. I’m just grateful and thankful beyond words to have mine back.

Thanks for reading, Michael.

For those of you with an interest in the brain, there’s so much you can read. It’s fascinating. I enjoyed watching this Netflix series when I was alone in the ER trying to figure out what was going on up there!

And for those of you who like music, here’s the playlist that came from finding mood lifting songs when i needed them.